Nothing of Consequence.

Visual Journal: Things On My Mind Lately

2011-11-17T09:36:00.001-07:00

2011-07-05T03:26:00.002-06:00

I had a mini freak out tonight. It was one of those ones where I'm pittering along through my life just fine when all the sudden I question my existence, goals, dreams, character, and pretty much EVERY thing else. I usually start shaking and BADLY desire human contact. But the RIGHT human. Who that human is on a particular day changes, but often its a long term friend I feel comfortable being in any mood with who I probably haven't seen in a while.

My response tonight instead of finding this friend...since it was late, I didn't feel intruding upon a friend at 11:30 pm would be kind, and few ideas seemed to settle into a good idea, was to stay up an additional five hours scrapbooking. My scrapbooking is a little rudamentary, crude even, but it gets some pics in a book where I can appreciate them. I have grandiose ideas that once they're all together in some sort of organized, finished form, the eclectic method I used to create the collection will be charming. Only time will tell. It's entirely possible my caveman-personal-picture-history will just read as tacky, but I'm fairly far away from knowing. It won't be some time until my entire life of photographs is mapped out cohesively. I digress.

But as I came down from my existentialist trip, a lot of the questions which always plague me in my convulsion-riddled highs still lingered. In a more manageable form after the most chaotic stage of the episodes, but regardless...lingering. I imagine I'm the type of person (as in human) that will always have questions. It seems like both a blessing and a curse that I'll be 80 still living with dreams and constantly questioning if I'm on the right path. On one hand I wouldn't necessarily choose to be any other way. I ponder the existence of a human who wonders something, finds a logical answer, accepts it, and never questions that knowledge again. It seems to have its own sort of novelty, but frankly would never truly suit me. I'm far too precarious and precocious for that sort of thing I think. Not that I mean to flatter or self-deprecate my...self.

So now, I lay awake pondering the topics I so long have and for so long will, but I find some comfort in expressing that this uncertainty exists. By the tone of my post as I skim back through it probably seems religious in nature to many of you. While this is part of it, suffice it to say that there is so much more than just that. For effectiveness I think it best I table some topics and start my analysis through them one by one. I think I'll continue to post about certain aspects of these questions and your thoughts will be appreciated through the process. Until then, thank you and good night.

Memoirs of a Food Network Addict: Confession 2

2011-06-27T13:28:00.008-06:00

Today's Topic: The NEXT Food Network Star

All right. Normally I don't like to send such negativity into the universe as talking about things I HATE, but this season's got me GOING. They have upped the stakes in drama and "reality TVness" of it all, and I'll admit I'm buying it! So here's my take on Season 7 of the future of my favorite network.

GET RID OF 'EM!:

This is Alicia. She's from Missourri, but she has the most bizarre voice I've ever seen/heard. I say seen because look at that mouth. She holds tons of tension in her jaw and she uses her lips in the MOST bizarre way. I hate it. She's also crying and blubbering all the time which is my FAVORITE thing in a professional setting. Get it together, homegirl. FINALLY she was cut...I was so over her lasting as long as she did.

And HERE we have Chris. I do not know what is wrong with homeboy, but he is like a fake-gangster frat boy meathead that does NOT know what he's doing when it comes to cooking. They continuously say his food is gross and he is always doing stupid things! He makes himself look like an idiot. Can't wait 'til he's gone. It won't be long.

ON THE FENCE ABOUT 'EM:

Now there's one contestant I THINK I don't like, but sometimes I REALLY like. Her name is Penny. She cooks Middle Eastern and while they always say her food is great, she has got some competition issues. But at the same time, haha, she is REALLY entertaining to watch as she openly strategizes viciously and tries to knock people out. She's a freaking cobra. So while I probably wouldn't watch her ON the Food Network (making her a bad choice to win), for the purposes of the show of The Next Food Network Star...I'm entertained.

LOVE 'EM:

And then there's Jeff. *Happy sigh This guy is a big, funny, happy-go-lucky Italian-American that is pushing a concept of every food he makes a sandwich. A) We know how I feel about adorable ESTPs. B) SANDWICHES for everything?! It's AWESOME! But not only is he really likeable, they seem to like his food again and again, so I trust that he knows what he's doing. Mini crush!

So...Jeff is probably my favorite of anybody. But I really like this guy too. Justin is a sweet, dorky, nice guy that also makes really good food. He wears funny little bowties and makes whimsical food...kind of if Alton Brown and James Popin had a baby. He's not really a mini-crush for me like Jeff is, but is definitely a guy I would be friends with. Ha he's like a lot of my friends actually. I like that.

PROBABLE WINNER:

My money though is on Orchid winning. I'm actually not crazy about her...I think she's adorable and cute and there really is nothing to DISlike about her, I just feel like I've seen this chef before. "Bubbly chubby girl that makes unique food"...wait, Aarti?! Is that YOU? haha I have no qualms with this probable winner, but I just LOVE me some Jeff and Justin.

Memoirs of a Food Network Addict: Confession 1

2011-06-13T03:51:00.004-06:00

So...I have a huge crush on this man. Olive green velvet blazer? Mmmm.
"Within simplicity lies inherent elegance." -SCOTT CONANT
He's always saying crap like that. About FOOD nontheless. This is why I love him. :)
http://www.foodnetwork.com/scott-conant/bio/index.html
Okay...so MAYBE he's married with a beautiful daughter or something. So nobody's perfect.

Let Us Live and Love by Gaius Valerius Catullus

2011-06-12T21:17:00.000-06:00

My sweetest Lesbia, let us live and love;
And though the sager sort our deeds reprove,
Let us not weigh them. Heaven's great lamps of five
Into their west, and straight again revive;
But, soon as once set is our little light,
Then must we sleep one ever-during night.

If all would lead their lives in love like me,
Then bloody swords and armor should not be;
No drum nor trumpet peaceful sleeps should move,
Unless alarm came from camp of love.
But fools do live and waster their little light,
And seek with pain their ever-during night.

When timely death my life and fortune ends,
Let not my hearse be vexed with mourning friends;
But let all lovers rich in triumph come,
And with sweet pastime grace my happy tomb.
And, Lesbia, close up thou my little light,
And crown with love by ever-during night.

Things That Inspire Me.

2011-06-12T20:41:00.006-06:00

2011-06-11T01:46:00.004-06:00

Okay. I'm going to indulge something I don't think I EVER have. Never, ever was I one of those little girls who looked through magazines at wedding dresses or dreamt up any ideas about what her day would be like. To be honest I never even really thought too much about what the guy would be like, much less the day itself. I never picked out kids' names and I CERTAINLY had no idea what my wedding ring would look like. And it's not that I'm so altered that I feel I'm even ready for marriage. I am in no way desperate or "waiting for the right guy to come along" or anything like that...I definitely still feel I have a lot to do and want to be before I commit myself to someone forever. I admit I'm a teensy bit of a feminist (at least comparable to many Mormon women) when it comes to this and I want to be married when it is the right time to be married. For me it feels like I still have some time. And I also have a feeling I'm not going to find my guy in Utah. I just have a feeling. However, I am a little more OPEN to the concept of it. And with a lot of friends, people very close and important to me, being married or getting married, it's got me thinking about things. So...this is just a little wish list. A little treasure trove of ideas that could be, if you will.

For the sake of it

2011-02-21T00:15:00.004-07:00

Is a concept, an ideal, or any form of intangible being in need of contribution? In need of a voice, a vote, a presence within the world simply for the "sake" of it? Should I practice my handwriting for the "sake" of calligraphy or the art of ink to paper? Is it appropriate that I pay for every movie I watch for the "cause" of cinema? Does the impalpable need human beings to contribute to their being for the "interest" of them? Now this dialogue has links to many other arenas outside of the arts, although that is where the root of these thoughts come from...What qualifies something as being a "worthy cause?" Let me hear your thoughts on this...

2010-12-22T00:17:00.002-07:00

I figured it out.
The key that will unlock the unhappiness I've been feeling and release the person I always feel that I am but never seem to quite hold on to.
I want music.
And color.
And food and art.
And food as art and artful food.
And words. Ooooohhh words.
I miss them.
I miss the sky.
And the trees.
I've stopped taking time to do the things that nourish my spirit, that fulfill me. And all that is ending today. The not-doing will now be done. I must simply make it be worth making time for. Because without these things, I'll go crazy.
So...joy. :) I find peace in enjoying the world and I should value that I see through eyes different than anyone else.
There's no law which says I must be this or I have to say that.
I can appreciate the world in whatever way I see fit.
And Heavenly Father loves me for that.

2010-11-22T12:57:00.004-07:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEMdN_4GAs4&feature=fvw

This is totally what Oklahoma is all about. Dave's brilliant mind has made Jud a Native American. And Aunt Eller an African-American. It's soooo good. You'll have to see it for it to make sense. :) But therefore, I've been doing lots of research on Native Americans. Now I wish I was one. I have a whole new appreciation, respect, and admiration. I need a Native American friend. ha :P

2010-11-22T12:56:00.001-07:00

I want it. Soooo much.

2010-11-22T12:53:00.001-07:00

I got a new back drop! LOOK!!! YEEEEHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

AND... A new playlist--to your right, to your right! YEEEEEEEHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2010-11-22T12:04:00.000-07:00

My obsession with House--is pretty intense.

2010-07-17T01:30:00.002-06:00

I just wrote this for study abroad papers. It turned out to be fairly poignant for my life right now. The Adriana and Luciana I'm referring to are the ones from The Comedy of Errors by William Shakespeare.

I speak as a woman finding herself in the 21^st century that the dichotomy we see between the characters of Luciana and Adriana is the quintessential commentary on the dichotomy of what the woman of the new millennium faces within herself. As trivial as the comparison may seem, I am drawn to relate to the hit TV series Sex and the City. Each female character represents a different aspect of what it means to be a woman in a world full of modernism and tradition. That particular series I believe has drawn such appeal because every female can relate to one or many of the characters—and every female is faced with the decision as to which character they are . . . am I a Charlotte? Do I long for the life of a traditional mommy with the white picket fence? Does Samantha’s path appeal to my own? Is being a creature who owns their sexuality in an empowered and cutting edge form of feminism the life I would love? We see the same questions raised with the characters of Luciana and Adriana in Comedy of Errors.

In Luciana, there is a sense of piety and observance of all that is tradition. The man is the head of the family and deserves the respect which that title commands. Motherhood is the ultimate calling. Now I observe these aspects of Luciana not with disdain but with great appreciation and respect. Feminism as it has been presented the past 40-50 years has meant, by societal understanding, denying that which women have been called to do—to be a wife and mother. I would feign to argue that owning that calling and honoring it requires just as much, if not more, bravery and “feminism” in a modern world. If feminism is a celebration of all that is feminine, then by what logic does denying that which women are naturally inclined toward equate being a “feminist?”

Yet, in the same token, we are faced with Adriana. In my belief, true feminism is sincere love for all that which women can be; and that means celebrating a woman’s right to be that whichever feels natural to her. For some, that means being a Luciana—and for others, that means being an Adriana. Adriana pokes fun at marriage and men. She revels in rebellion and vulgarity. Just as I have admiration for all that Luciana represents, I feel the same for Adriana. Her perspective and bravery is refreshing. Her boldness is a rarity; and her strength is a gift for the world.

So, whether one is an Adriana or Luciana, I believe the point Shakespeare is making with presenting us with both characters is that women should be celebrated and admired in all their forms and personalities. It is a credit to Shakespeare’s open-mindedness that he recognized this and made commentaries on it in his works. It is a decision a face right along with Adriana and Luciana as to which I am . . . a Carrie or a Miranda, a Luciana or Adriana, a Charlotte or a Samantha.

2010-07-16T01:34:00.002-06:00

To feel like home:
1. Comfy blankets are a must.
2. There is no judgement, despite how many quesadillas a day are eaten.
3. One may be without beguile, and others can come without restraint.
4. Love changes everything . . . in the nicest way.
5. Color is embraced.
6. Vintage is revered.
7. All music flows without hatred or disrespect.
8. Rules exist to nourish life, not stifle it.
9. Words are said with truth and assertion, but in kindness and appreciation.
10. Men may be men, and women may be women. Anything in between . . . may find its path here.
11. Art is encouraged.
12. Messes are a part of life--to be enjoyed for as long as they last.
13. And when it is time for the messes to go, they go in peace, with gratitude they were here.
14. Television is optional, but not necessary. And channels are not a worthy source of contention.
15. Movies and their stars are loved.
16. Walls are for art. Van Gogh oils and baby girl finger paints alike.
17. Kitchens are for stories to be shared, warmth to be born, and delicious meals to be made.
18. There is always more space at the dining room table.
19. Health is no option.
20. Bodies are used in strength and power, loving all God gave us.
21. Stories are written and read, for learning and for joy.
22. The thirst for knowledge is unquenchable.
23. All things can and should be touched.
24. The joy of scent is never underrated.
25. No one is limited. Whatever evokes goodness to be shared will be cultivated here.

2010-07-16T01:19:00.000-06:00

I wish beauty came in a bigger box.

2010-07-16T01:12:00.002-06:00

There are people that want it all to be simple, clean, honest.

That's nice and all . . . but I think I know better.

The idiosyncracies which exist within each individual person gives me millions upon millions of reasons to believe that simple, clean, and honest doesn't exist in this life. And the next exists as a perfectly unsure surity.

This isn't to say that the lack of simplicity, cleanliness, and honesty equates ugliness. In fact, it is within all that is idiosyncratic where beauty lies.

I've known a share of stupid choices, unwise paths, nonsensical sense. And it is here wherein I have learned to love, to share, to appreciate. Appreciation is underrated and bastardized in its meaning. In its perfection--here, we may find purity.

Simple. Clean. Honest. Give me a break. Live first. And you will see--there is more than these.

2010-07-16T01:00:00.002-06:00

If only you wanted to be the one to fight.
The one who helped me down the slippery hill,
Or walked beside as I sit quiet and still.

If only you were the one to say my name.
Whispering sweetness I never thought I'd hear,
Or always drawing closer, ever soft and near.

If only I had chosen another path.
Wanted a little harder and pushed a little more.
Maybe I would know what all the pretense was for.

If only they told all that should have been said.
I would know to switch direction, find anew.
I wouldn't circle back, looking for a intangible clue.

"If only" is a waste of time.
This I know and yet . . .
I'd waste a thousand "If only's" to have just one
"Cannot forget."

2010-07-15T02:16:00.000-06:00

Does admitting you're lonely make the loneliness more or less pathetic?

2010-07-13T21:46:00.001-06:00

I just went to her concert. It was exactly what I needed.

2010-07-13T21:43:00.001-06:00

I was Lisabetta in Rappaccini's Daughter recently. We're now taking it to the Fringe Festival in Edinburgh. We're pretty much a really big deal.

2010 cont.

2010-07-13T20:58:00.006-06:00

I also stage managed Short Attention Span Theatre this year. That was . . . exciting. I'm going to have nine million technical credentials by the end of this year. And that part is good. I do feel like I need a break from school, from life even. . . I'd like to do that thing:

"I cashed in all my savings and bought an El Dorado.

Drove to Tennessee.

I took a trip while I was gone.

I drove across the country and I stopped at lots of diners,

And I stared at a million stars.

And thought I could touch the sky."

http://heraldextra.com/news/local/central/orem/article_6038d29b-95b3-57b8-9563-cb6125677d27.html

Then, I worked for the UVU Noorda Summer Camp. I'm obsessed with those girls that were in the show I stage managed: the Secret Life of Girls. Baylee Dodge (Abby), Kenzie Dodge (Kayla), Emily Sheehn (Sutton), Rebecca Acosta (Rebecca), Rebekah Blackburn (Anne Marie), Kaitlyn Lamb (Stephanie), and Sarah Mortimer (Chandler). Julie Suazo was also in it as Sutton's Mom, Jessica Gunson was in it as the Coach, and Alex's mom Rosanna Ungerman was in it as Abby's Mom.

Our production team included: me (SM), Alex Ungerman (Director), Julie Mortimer Suazo (Assistant Director), Jacob Porter (ASM), and Jessica Gunson (ASM).

2010-07-13T20:40:00.006-06:00

All ready, the bulk of 2010 has come and gone. I've been through and accomplished a lot this year, although, like always, some of the things I really need to focus on have been left at the wayside. It's been a great time of transition for me. As in . . . nothing matches. That may not make much sense, but it's a good description of where my head has been at.

I should mention someone who has proven to be very important in my life the past weeks. It seems that it was a fortuitous thing for her to be in my life, at this time. I needed her a lot. And it was a happy accident that she would be here for the summer anyway. Her name is Shelly Bulkley Chamberlain. And she's probably one of the best friends I'll have in my life. The older I get the more I realize what an example and mentor she has been to me. Above is a picture of she and her husband, Brian. Isn't it amazing how the people that come through and end up being the most important aren't the ones you expected to fill that?

I was in Urinetown. I loved it. I played Ol' Ma Josephine Strong. That's her in that pic. I may have all ready mentioned that in a previous blog, but oh well.

I was the ASM for A Doll House. Sarah Mann was the SM. Penny Pendleton played Nora, Jason Sullivan was Helmer, Jason Evans was Dr. whats-his-name, Cameron Garcia was Krogstad, James Arrington directed, Elfie Panholzer was the sweet little nanny character, Melissa Ledbetter was the old maid best friend--I forget that character's name. It was a really enlightening and enriching experience. I learned a lot.

2010-03-17T08:48:00.001-06:00

So I'm really NOT afraid to tell ye . . . I be obsessed with St. Patrick's Day. It's the only day it's cool to be white--as long as you're Irish. :) Oh so very good to be a Sullivan.

2010-03-15T08:51:00.001-06:00

I get that this was so 2009 . . . but I missed the boat on Celebrity Look Alike Week and I was curious. Um, apparently I look like Melissa McCarthy or Sookie on Gilmore Girls. I'm totally okay with that.

2010-03-11T00:56:00.002-07:00

I've always been a pretty committed and loyal customer to the Explorer. In one foul sweep they just lost me. The culprit? The new version does not allow copy and paste. I REFUSE to type out lyrics, poems, and quotes I want to put on my blog. I'm upset. I feel like I just broke up with a friend. Terrible. Damn new version. Don't be so tricky with other features and anti copy & paste--it just ruins what we always had. Which I thought was something special.

2010-03-11T00:43:00.002-07:00

Shadow walks faster than you
You don't really know what to do
Do you think that you're not alone?
You really think that you are immune to
Its gonna get that the best of you
Its gonna lift you up and let you down
It will defeat you then teach you to get back up
After it takes away all that
You learn to love

Your reflection is a blur
Out of focus
But in confusion
The frames are suddenly burnt
And in the end of a roll of illusion
A ghost waiting its turn
Now I can see right through
It's a warning that nobody heard

It will teach you to love what you're afraid of
After it takes away all that
You learn to love
But you don't
Always
Have to hold your head
Higher than your heart

Your echo comes back out of tune
Now you can quite get used to it
Reverb is just a room
The problem is that there's no truth to it
It's fading way too soon
The shadow is on the move
And maybe you should be moving too
Before it takes away all that you learned to love
It will defeat you and then teach you to get back up
Cause you don't
Always
Have to hold your head
Higher than your heart

You better hope you're not alone
You better hope you're not alone
You better hope you're not alone
-Jack Johnson, Hope

Finally, I can talk about something interesting again. . .

2010-03-11T00:24:00.002-07:00

Talking about my life, like LIFE, ex: what happened to me in 2009 (which I just tackled in the past like five posts) is not fun for me. It's actually just pretty damn tedious. Thank goodness I can just talk about stuff I like and post vapid stories and stuff. Way better than like REAL things. So . . . today? Pudding. Fuh RILL. No joke. I love it. I do. And I see no need to apologize for that. It's prety damn good stuff. Particularly chocolate, with wonderful whipped cream on top, or possibly in the form of one of those adorable little dirt cups with the gummy worms. You know the kind I mean. Fin.

I finally looked back on 2009 with a smile . . .

2010-02-02T02:55:00.004-07:00

All the cast getting ready before the show. Yeah. We're pretty damn cool.

Julie Olson and I. I'm obsessed with this girl. She's crazy and funny and fun and a lot like me only more great.

Me dancing with Chris Clark's super cute daughter Phoebe. And don't worry that really IS my costume. 1980's reporter--fan freaking tabulous.

I'll be honest, it was a rough year. I mean there were a lot of good things too, but . . . um . . . wow. I kicked it off with CHESS the musical at Utah Valley University directed by Dave Tinney. Leads included Kari Rymer as main girl that has pretty ballads, Darick Pead as cocky American chess player we all hate, Collin Thomas as sweet yet quiet and pretty awesome Russian chess player, Jake Suazo as Russian hitman we love, Kyle Hess as confusing American agent type role that no one really cares about, Jyllian Petrie as sad and sweet Russian girl (wife to the Russian chess player that essentially betrays her, but we still kind of really love him even though we feel bad for him) Highlights of the whole experience: Singing "Nobody's on Nobody's Side" in an awesome power vignette as an entire cast thing, becoming friends with Rebecca-crap-last-name? (the black one who's sweet and quiet), becoming friends with Julie Olson (for real besties), being closer to Rebecca Cain (I don't care what anyone says; she's a sweetheart), getting to know Dan Garner (who is such a cool human!) and being stage managed by Cyndy Stephenson. I also got to know Kayleigh Robinson lots better and I do love her. Also, Jeremy Minagro was definitely a mega-crush for me. Oh yeah, Lisa Russo was also a little mini-lead but who even cares. It was funny because Nicholas Grossaint and I weren't friends in that show and totally talk about it all the time. It was funny. Meg Rush was in it too and we all know how much I love her; it was a rocky time for us, but we got over it.

2009 cont.

2010-02-02T02:11:00.006-07:00

Ellen Young and I--my roomie from 07-08 year at this super cute Fakesgiving party I basically organized in Fall 2008. We had our issues but she is a really good human. She's a cutie. This picture just kind of represents CAL all in all to me. Fin.

Bre and I REALLY aren't awesome at taking photos with each other--really the only semi-cute photo that exists of us (with Jacob Christian Bunker who lived across the hall) and I'm wearing her shirt. She would let me borrow her clothes ALL the time which was really really sweet.

Creepy same-shirt-color-double-boob photo (which I look really gross in) but I LOVE Valerie Fuller.

When I lived with Stephanie Rogers, BreAnna Powell, and Valerie Fuller we did this cute quote on fridge thing which turned out to be really hard to clean off but was so worth it because it was cute! We were WAY cute! I got put on the fridge a lot because I'm WAY funny. :)

Margaret Huntington (lifelong bestie), me Kayla Rowley (Margaret's childhood bestie and a REALLY good human)

Keep in mind I'm trying to remember fun deets but you are TOTALLY getting the abridged version. I guess that's what I do to myself when I only really TRULY journal like once a year. Also in January Margaret's awesome best friend from California Kayla Rowley (she got married, her maiden escapes me) lived with Margaret Huntington for a bit and she's a GIANT sweetheart. But, Utah just wasn't where she needed to be so she was out pretty quick. I get it--she then got engaged. Bigger calling. During the Fall of 2008, ps I lived with an adorable girl named Stephanie Rogers who got engaged while I was living with her and married in the Spring of 2009. She's in pics too. My other roomies were BreAnna Powell and Valerie Fuller. Valerie being a sweetie and BreAnna being my favorite human EVER. Stephanie was replaced with a girl named Jessica Colyar who was okay enough but mostly just a hoochie granola girl that smelled bad. I feel a little bad though because we didn't exact welcome her with open arms. But she's doing fine. Bre is from Price and Val is from Indiana. I love them. Bre loves screamer music and Val loves Christmas and has trouble with being irresponsible. She kind of had to move back home unexpectedly because she failed like EVERY class but she really is a good girl. Bre and I had a hard time going to church, but she is a wonderful human. And also all this--I finished the Center for the Advancement of Leadership program at UVU--CAL!!! In hindsight, it really was super good. A little bitter toward the end due to silly issues, but all in all . . . very good things.

2009 part III

2010-02-02T00:33:00.000-07:00

Erin Crabtree and me. We're REALLY cute.

Meg and my awesome day at the beach--we came from the temple so we were wearing dresses and nothing could have been more perfect.

Margaret, Alex Paulos, Meg, and me at Penny Royal

When we took that trip and stopped at Vegas--Alex somehow procured this rad, primary colors picture of us at Tiffany's. His best contribution to the trip, in my opinion. Okay, not fair! But still, I didn't know him super well! haha

We had a really fun and awesome park day in early Spring when it was still pretty cold at my idea. We played croquet and stuff. We're rad.

Erin Crabtree deserves a good little moment too. She was a stagehand girl for Chess who handed me a recording device in a quick change moment I had at the first of the show and apparently my gratitude made an impression on her. I didn't really become her friend until she and Margaret became way close, but then she and I got way close and she is fantastic. She lived with Margaret during the summer and she's way rad. Also, she and Nicholas Grossaint had a mini-fling that changed her life and that's when he and I became friends. I love him. I think she's been finding herself this past year. Also, the Penny Royal existed in 2009! It was this swanky cute little place that had mismatched chairs and paisley wall paper--my hippie friends like Meg Rush and Margaret Huntington were infatuated. It closed due to weirdness and was going to be re-opened but then couldn't be. Shame. It was a COOL spot. Our joint of the summer, really. Meg, Margaret, this guy Alex Paulos and I also went on a trip to California for Margaret's sister's wedding which was good / bad / weird / awesome all at the same time. Mostly Meg and I had one fabulous day on the beach and that much probably made it worth it. Also, I'm in love with the Huntington family--her mom and dad are INCREDIBLE people. Alex Paulos existed in my life a little. He was a behavior theory guy that turned out to be kind of crazy but basically just brought Meyers-Briggs on steroids into their life. Whatev I don't know. I also hung out with Julie and Nick a lot during the summer. We would lay out and swim. OH! AND I totally spaced Pinnacle. A lot of my summer is kind of story-less and almost a blank gap in my mind because I worked at Pinnacle a LOT. Like, I became the shift-cover girl. I made a lot of money but I spent it all on sushi and itunes--not exaggeration. There were a handful of cool people, the only ones really note-worthy being Becca Housley, Heather Housley's little sister who is way cooler than Heather and Brandon Behrmann who is hysterical and a really awesome guy.

2010-02-02T00:19:00.005-07:00

The BETTER part of the summer was working at the Fantasticks at Sundance. (In association with UVU) Becca Cain was the stage manager, (my boss--I ASMed) Casey Price was the other ASM / sound human (This is when we really became friends and I am OBSESSED with him), Nick Grossaint was the lead (Same story of true frienship blossoming at this time with him, Dave Tinney was the director (And we KNOW how rad he is!)

I'm just going to quickly sum up a few other things since I have been SERIOUSLY dragging my feet about this post and it's March of 2010 and I'm over it--ha!

August: Brandon Rodier passed away. He commit suicide. It was a very emotional and tolling experience for everyone. I worry about Linda still. It was in his funeral the gap that I realized is missing. Pretty damn big one. I was a lot more emotional than I knew I would be.

So . . . September: Charlotte's Web. Directed by Chris Clark, puppetry by Nat Reed, stage management by Kyle Hess, leading Jacob Porter (Wilbur), Jana Grass (Charlotte), Alex Barlow (My opposite--Gander), Margaret Huntington (Lamb), Jacob Squire (Sheep), Jake Van Wagoner (Templeton), Julie and Jake Suazo (Zuckermans), Ames Bell (Lurvy), Kelsey Kendall (Fern), Nick Grossaint (Avery), Daniel Anderson and Heather Murdock (Fern's parents--what's their name again?), Britney Wing Jessamyn Svenson and Julie Olsen (Chorus Girls), Javier Ybarra Bekah Wilbur and Sarah Mann (Puppeteers). Collin Thomas and some other cool guys were our band--blue grass style. I think that's everyone . . . hmm. . . Jaron Hermansen did lights. I was the Goose and let's face it, I was pretty damn good.

October . . . Auditions for Much Ado About Nothing directed by John Graham and auditions for Urinetown directed by Dave Tinney. Made Urinetown--what the what?! Yeah YEAH! Ma Josephine Strong, aka Bobby's mom and overall badass. Starred Chase Ramsey (Bobby), Kelly Coombs (Hope), Ames Bell (Officer Lockstock), Ashley Grant (Ms. Pennywise), Kelsey Kendall (Little Sally), Emily Bell (Becky Two Shoes), Jacob Squire (Hot Blades Harry), Philip Varney (Barrel), Julie Olsen (Soupy Sue), Nick Grossaint (Tiny Tom), Jason Jensen (Old Man Strong), Margaret Huntington (Ms. Millenium), Jordan Kramer (Did he have a name? But he did play simply my favorite human!), Chase Brown (Mr. Cladwell), Collin Thomas (McQueen), Jacob Porter (Fipp), Mike Shephard (Cool Guy), Jamie Gordon (Cool girl), Aubrey Warner (Cool girl)--we had a pretty big cast. I mean for a musical not really only twenty, but each character was so unique and awesome it felt like a million people on that stage. I love that. I LOVE it. It was way cool and fun. Sure hope I didn't forget anyone. Kyle Hess--stage manager, Jaron Hermansen--bad ASS lighting design (best I've seen ever at UVU), Jared Lewis--set design, Dove Grimm--costume design and she actually did pretty great. Uh . . . oh yeah. Ashley got way sick the last three nights, Emily Bell stepped into her place, Aubrey Warner stepped into Emily's place and I still did ridiculous and silly old age makeup.

Um . . . tech day of Urinetown Jake Porter professed love for me via letter. We lightly dated for three weeks, for real dated for three weeks. I broke his heart, now it's been two, and I think he's about to break mine. I may have made a mistake. Maybe not. I have no way of knowing--all I feel is that the whole scenario scared me shitless. What to do now. What to do.

2010-02-01T00:16:00.002-07:00

Pics for the post above: just easier

2010-02-01T00:01:00.003-07:00

U-town pics. Just easier a little is all. :) I get it. Maybe two of them are sideways. Well, maybe I'm not in the mood to figure out how to fix it. So maybe you just deal. BAM! ha

2010-01-24T02:26:00.000-07:00

It gives me thrills to wind you up.

2010-01-08T00:21:00.003-07:00

I just had an epiphany . . . doing this, I am happier. I can all ready feel it. That is DEFINITELY not something to scough at.

2010-01-06T00:36:00.002-07:00

Sometimes, everybody just wants a hug from a lovebug.

2010-01-06T00:32:00.000-07:00

a pretty a day by E. E. Cummings
a pretty a day
(and every fades)
is here and away

(but born are maids
to flower an hour
in all,all)
o yes to flower
until so blithea
doer a wooersome
limber and lithesome
very fine mower
a tall;tall

some jerry so very
(and nellie and fan)
some handsomest harry
(and sally and nan
they tremble and cower
so pale:pale)

for betty was born
to never say nay
but lucy could learn
and lily could pray
and fewer were shyer
than doll. doll

2009-11-29T19:58:00.002-07:00

amour.

2009-11-29T19:54:00.002-07:00

One of my favorite memories is when I was a Sophomore in high school and I made the top choir for the following Junior year--a pretty rare and awesome thing. I was so happy and proud of myself and my mom bought me a beautiful little music note charm just like this one to wear around my neck. It stayed on me for what I think was two years until I lost it. I was so very sad then and even now wish I had that. I didn't know how much that memory and the fact that my mom gave me this token of her love meant so much to me. I know how much she cares about me and she is always finding ways to show me how much she loves me.

2009-11-12T01:08:00.002-07:00

Sorry for the overload of photos of random shiz I like . . . but I am WAY visual. I'm obsessed with seeing these things not just me rambling about them. I think that's why I was always the annoying little sister that just ended up drawing pictures in her brother's missionary letters as opposed to actually writing anything; and why I can't take notes in a class for the life of me. Which may have something to do with my GPA--hmm. That's something to think about.

2009-11-12T01:04:00.003-07:00

Dear Dave Matthews Band,

I get that I'm WAY behind the curve, but no one ever explained the appeal to me. "Oh right . . . those sixty seconds sounded just like ten other bands I can think of off the cuff--woopdy freaking doo!" No no no. Musicality. MUSICALITY at its very finest and greatest. Who knew a popular contemporary band is full of actual musicians with musicianship? News to me. GREAT news. But news. I'm sorry I doubted you. I bleed Dave now. Thanks. :)

Katie

I needed this a LOT today

2009-11-12T00:53:00.003-07:00

"For what it's worth, it's never too late, or in my case too early - to be whoever you want to be. There's no time limit; stop whenever you want. You can change, or stay the same - there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you're proud of. If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again."

*And you know what I love the most? I found this incredible photograph by google imaging "whimsy." My word of this week.

That Game I Sometimes Play

2009-11-11T00:59:00.003-07:00

Sometimes I choose a great word or a meaningful phrase into Google Images and I just see what I get. I LOVE it--seriously, bored one night or have nothing to blog about, try this game. This one I Image Googled "sweetness of tomorrow" which I think is just a choice phrase. The ring is so dreamy and delicious with deep serious meaning and truth at the same time. These pics are what I found . . . I love the collaboration of random but wonderful things. Sublime. :)

Let's Try This Again

2009-11-10T22:48:00.002-07:00

Remember when I used to get a lot of release and good times out of my blog? Remember THOSE days? I do! I do! I do! Well they're going to be back right . . . NOW! And we're starting with some good friends. My love for the Peanuts gang has been pretty big lately!

2009-11-09T22:57:00.001-07:00

2009-10-12T00:09:00.000-06:00

So let's be honest . . . a "friend" is really just someone that one has a social contract which says"If you appear to be cool, and I appear to be cool, and we spend time together, we can fool the world for a bit and APPEAR to not be losers." Too bad the world will always find out . . . eventually. :)

2009-09-24T04:11:00.001-06:00

Pretense. Pose. Dramedy. Tragedy.
Affectation and Simulation.
I catch myself lining the silver clouds with a tinge of gray,
When really I should be singing in the orange and reds of day!
What a silly, silly girl or boy it is
That cannot sing and dance and skip.
Brooding and wallowing in the dis-
Tant streak. Buck up young chip!
You’ll have your chance—
But in the while, join me in PRANCE
And singing.
Sweet, sweet singing.
Dreamy, earthbound singing.

A New Interest

2009-09-23T04:15:00.000-06:00

Yeah. YEAH! I'm SO into stage makeup these days. This class is going to be the hiz-nut. Yep. Hiz-nut. It's the rad new thing I'm spreading--you can make it happen too. I'll make t-shirts to support the cause.

2009-09-23T02:14:00.000-06:00

2009-09-13T14:42:00.001-06:00

This photograph makes me feel tranquil. And, well, not a lot of things can do that.

2009-09-13T14:41:00.000-06:00

I haven't been this scared for a show like . . . ever.

2009-08-21T03:32:00.002-06:00

Jason Robert Brown
The Last Five Years

There are people
And they are publishing my book
And there's a party that they're throwing
And while you've made it very clear that you're not going
I will be going
And that's done

But what's it really about?
Is it really about a party, Cathy?
Can we please for a minute stop blaming
And say what you feel?
Is it just that you're disappointed
To be touring again for the summer?

Did you think this would all be much easier
Than it's turned out to be?
Well, then talk to me, Cathy
Talk to me

If I didn't believe in you
We'd never have gotten this far
If I didn't believe in you
And all of the ten thousand women you are
If I didn't think you could do
Anything you ever wanted to
If I wasn't certain that you'd come through somehow
THe fact of the matter is, Cathy
I wouldn't be standing here now

If I didn't believe in you
We wouldn't be having this fight
If I didn't believe in you
I'd walk out the door and say,"Cathy, you're right"
But I never could let that go
Knowing the things about you I know
Things, when I met you four years ago, I knew
It never took much convincing
To make me believe in you

Don't we get to be happy, Cathy?
At some point down the line
Don't we get to relax?
Without some new tsuris
To push me yet further from you?
If I'm cheering on your side, Cathy
Why can't you support mine?
Why do I have to feel
I've committed some felony
Doing what I always swore I would do?

I don't want you to hurt
I don't want you to sink
But you know what I think?
I think you'll be fine!
Just hang on and you'll see-
But don't make me wait till you do
To be happy with you
Will you listen to me?

No one can give you courage
No one can thicken your skin
I will not fail so you can be comfortable, Cathy
I will not lose because you can't win
If I didn't believe in you
Then here's where the travelogue ends

If I didn't believe in you
I couldn't have stood before all of our friends
And said, "This is the life I choose-
This is the thing I can't bear to lose
Trip us or trap us, but we refuse to fall"
That's what I thought we agreed on, Cathy
If I hadn't believed in you
I wouldn't have loved you at all

2009-08-21T03:31:00.000-06:00

Audience
by Mei-mei Berssenbrugge
People think at the theatre, an audience is tricked into believing it's looking at life. The film image is so large, it goes straight into your head. There's no room to be aware of or interested in people around you. Girls and cool devices draw audience, but unraveling the life of a real human brings the outsiders.
I wrote before production began, "I want to include all of myself, a heartbroken person who hasn't worked for years, who's simply not dead." Many fans feel robbed and ask, "What kind of show's about one person unresolved soul?"

2009-08-21T03:29:00.001-06:00

Christina Rossetti

Caterpillar

Brown and furry
Caterpillar in a hurry,
Take your walk
To the shady leaf, or stalk,
Or what not,
Which may be the chosen spot.

No toad spy you,
Hovering bird of prey pass by you;
Spin and die,
To live again a butterfly.

Sometimes, just a simple children's poem is the best!

2009-08-21T03:28:00.003-06:00

Degas. Fabulous.

2009-08-21T03:28:00.001-06:00

This Week's Greatest Blessings . . . (in no particular order)
"I'm blessed with work." -My new adage
Laughter and Tears
Hope
Great Teachers Whom Have Shaped Who I Am
Learning to Be the Person I Know I Am
Mom
I've been really reflective lately--ha it's funny. Nice, just funny. That's a blessing, I think.
Fruit.
Sleep. Sometimes I am surprised at how much it fixes.
I'm excited to be someone new. I just need to found out who that is first.

2009-08-21T03:27:00.001-06:00

"I'd like to quit thinking of the present, like right now,as some minor insignificant preamble to something else."

2009-07-15T09:42:00.003-06:00

Walking isn't a lost art: one must, by some means, get to the garage. - Evan Esar

*If that won't light a fire under my bum, nothing will . . . I am DEFINITELY guilty of this. I like that it presents something very poignant in a hysterical way though; yay!!! haha

2009-07-13T14:15:00.002-06:00

"Art is about love . . . the love you never got as a child; the love you can't give as an adult; the love you can only give your work." -Joshua Larson, composer of 'Rent'

GUSH!

2009-07-13T10:54:00.004-06:00

As in, this is what I'm gushing over this week. It was literally a life-altering experience. I'm tempted to say the single greatest experience I've ever had in a theatre, but that's so difficult to say. I've seen several Cirque De Soleil shows now, and they're always fantastic, but I do feel I have enough experience with the style now that I can appropriately compare and critique. Which, ha you know--I AM a theatre education major; and we LOVE to compare and critique theatre. This production had a much stronger sense of focus than a lot of Cirque De Soleil shows I've seen, which was the hardest part about it for me before. I never felt a sense of story, or a definite knowledge as to where they wanted me looking . . . the director did that really well here. There was a great balance of duets, solos, and group numbers and even in the extravagant, incredible group numbers Cirque is known for, there was enough organization for me to compartmentalize my thoughts and what I wanted to see for that moment. It was very clear to see: "Okay for this scene, this is important. If you get nothing else, make sure you grab this. But if you get that and want to look at all the other jizz going on too--go for it." I loved that. Along with that balance and focus, the music was the same way. Great rises and falls from high energy to more mellow; the classics everyone can sing along with to lesser known pieces that are equally great. The entire show went through a great chronological and emotional journey of their careers and lives, as well. Many subplots were explored and journeyed through as well, but all these characters were in connection to one another and centralized with the Beatles. I've really come to see the absolute importance of focus and direction of a story. Thank you, Dave Tinney. He's WAY big on that and it is becoming a big part of what I need in my theatrical experiences. So, the direction was fantastic. I also loved how it transitioned between the feeling of being enraptured in one character's mini story to being on acid to just being at a Beatles concert--I was there at the concert. They also used all the original tracks, digitally re-mastered I'm sure because the sound quality was exquisite, but it was absolutely the Beatles. The cast did sing at times, but it was well placed and not overbearing, for the most part they simply allowed the Beatles to do their thing and danced along. What I LOVED the most was when the characters spoke--unmicrophoned, live, and again, not overbearing, just a significant and well-placed word or phrase here or there. They told most of the story via their bodies and other forms of expression, which is definitely a visual feast. It got to a point that they could have thrown pudding and bologna on me and I would have cheered and thought it was the best thing. I was with them every moment. I had absolutely no problem engorging in the twisted, LSD world they presented before me. I just bought it--and I went right along the entire time! I know that this was due to the brilliant staging. This may be the kicker that made it better for me than other Cirque shows. It was a round, but in a sort of strange shape, and practically EVERYONE was on the front row. It was one of those theatres where LITERALLY no one has a bad seat. But I was so close and underneath and a part that it just surrounded me and absorbed me that much more. The intimacy also made me care so much for the characters that in most Cirque shows I don't even realize are significant at that moment because I'm so distracted--again with the focus. I realize that's my film-trained mind being spoken to as a part of a modern audience, but that's just how it goes. Another part that was great was that I was so concerned they would have actors that would actually portray the Beatles--and re-creating true icons ends up just coming off cheesy so often. But they didn't! Instead with digital media, they portrayed them as shadows and these elusive figures you never really see until the VERY end and then they show footage and photographs of them in tribute and a memorial as to who they really were. That was SUCH a strong choice. Additionally, they did have four leading male characters that clearly represented characteristics of each Beatle, but they were NOT the Beatles. They were separate sort of symbolic characters and that, again, was so strong. The structure and conceptualization of everything just . . . worked. Just wonderful, beautiful work to me--I LOVED it!!! I also have an entirely new appreciation for hippy, drug-induced, free love Beatles that I didn't have. In the past I haven't been a huge fan of those Beatles, I've been big on 60's, barely post-50's mindset, suit, bowl-cut Beatles . . . I thought hippy Beatles were kind of sell-outs, but I definitely don't feel that way anymore. They were just different. They evolved and grew the way we all do as human beings. They also transitioned with their generation and a very tumultuous time period. I've always had an affinity for learning about the Viet Nam War and really had a lot of reverence for that part of our country's history. And this gave me another layer of that to feel strongly about--SO interesting and wonderful. BAH! I love it!!! Okay, this has been a freaking novel. I apologize; I don't expect anyone to read all this. But again, my online journal. It's more for me than anyone else. haha thanks team! Go Beatles!

Jonathan Coulton

2009-07-13T10:27:00.004-06:00

I loaded all my old CDs onto my iPod. Well, first you should know I've had an iPod for six months. And I didn't buy it--it wasn't my choice, it was a gift. Not that I'm complaining at all, of course, I'm just making the point of how technologically inept I am. I am always way behind the technology curve, but I'm totally okay with it. Ha the best part of my lack of iPod-ness for so long is . . . I think the radio is a modern marvel. THAT is why I've never felt the need to have one. Even still, I'll purposefully leave my iPod home sometimes so I can listen to the radio. Like, it's AMAZING to me. haha I know. What can I say? Anywho, I loaded all my old CDs on my iPod. I just re-discovered Jonathan Coulton via this venue . . . a city Wyatt burned for me years ago. I didn't truly appreciate it until now. He's FANTASTIC. Like, my new favorite guy / thing / music type. Listen to him. Love him. It will all be the best.

CLICK ME!!! Katie just figured out how to create links like me and she's super stoked about it!

Rainy Days

2009-06-29T14:46:00.003-06:00

I loooovvvveee the rain. I think for a long time I've felt that I shouldn't love it, because the "dreary rainy days" whining so many people express has been put into my head so many times--it was definitely one of those power of suggestion things, I think. Because now that I am more and more becoming an adult and defining who I am and who I want to be, I'm discovering the things I actually like. Simply because that's what I like! It's not what I should like or need to like or because that's what my parents like, but the things that I, as an INDIVIDUAL, love about the world. But that was a tangent straying from my actual point. Ha which point is . . . I am filled with such peace on rainy days, inside and outside; overcast or sunny; rainbow or downpour, I love it. I could just run and sing and jump in the rain all day every day if I wanted to. I remember when I was maybe ten or eleven, it just poured and poured outside. I believe I was home alone for the day, a fairly commonplace occurrence (I got really good at entertaining myself, as I still am) and I suddenly had a burst of energy and ecstasy for the fact that there was rain pouring down. And this was the wonderful, huge, extremely loud and feverish rain that doesn't let up and doesn't let up and doesn't let up. So I ran outside and I starting singing and jumping and playing and the rain was so loud that I could sing at the top of my lungs and still no one could hear me. In addition to the wonderfulness, there was no one around in the neighborhood, no signs of life anywhere really, no passing cars, it was late afternoon in spring probably around six so it was that glorious almost dark gray skyness, even though you know that the sun is shining, probably setting on the horizon at that time of day, above the thick enclosing layer of beautiful rich clouds. We mere humans just can't see it is all. That was one of the best days of my life. I love the rain.

A little rough--but just an experimental piece

2009-06-29T14:31:00.003-06:00

*I don't usually attempt poetry that rhymes. I do feel that there's merit in the fact that is has a meter but it's still free form, however--so maybe we'll try to make that work in the future.

Looking into existence, Did I steal that from another?
Shooting stars will come and go, Learning from my mother.

I should have known they'd always be right;
It was obvious to see that there was little in flight.

Is that upsetting? Or does it feel okay?
Content and rebellion taunt as night to day.

I'm changing my forum, breathing in new life.
While keeping that which questions . . . as the butter upon a knife.

There's something silly and sweet--unassuming and tall;
I need not know about the square or the straight, but rather the diagonal.

Language feeds me, as the earth's divine nectar to a worm;
Not so dull am I to believe that only the "high-minded" can offer something to learn.

Give me the combination--let me hear the ring.
Or at the least, leave me here . . . for man is a giddy thing.

2009-06-25T11:00:00.002-06:00

The Violet

Down in a green and shady bed,
A modest violet grew;
Its stalk was bent, it hung its head
As if to hide from view.

And yet it was a lovely flower,
Its colour bright and fair;
It might have graced a rosy bower,
Instead of hiding there.

Yet thus it was content to bloom,
In modest tints arrayed;
And there diffused a sweet perfume,
Within the silent shade.

Then let me to the valley go
This pretty flower to see;
That I may also learn to grow
In sweet humility.
-Jane Taylor

This piece is rad!!!

2009-06-25T10:36:00.001-06:00

This is a radical blog I picked it up from too: Pop Art Diva blog--check it out!

2009-06-25T10:29:00.002-06:00

Dear world,
I DO use this as a convenient online journal . . . so I stick to what I said earlier in a way, but at the same time--I think it's cool for people to read it! What WAS I thinking?? I stay in touch with cool people this way. All right; the humble pie has been eaten. You are radical people. I like that you read my blog. Please keep it up as my returned blog reading will be kept up. You are awesome! Also, Stephanie--I miss you tons. I got your message while I was at work and I'm calling you ASAP. LOVE!
Love, Katie Sue

2009-06-19T00:22:00.000-06:00

Facebook is so not fun anymore. I have to censor myself way too much. This blog has been compromised too.

2009-06-15T02:13:00.002-06:00

I don't care how random this blog is and I will tell you why--it's not really a "blog" at all. It's really a convenient journal. The only way I've ever gotten myself to do any consistent documentation of my life is this and as silly as it sounds, I really think it's because I like typing better than writing with a pen or pencil. I hold writing utensils incorrectly and press too hard with them so my hand cramps. AND I can't have rad backgrounds in Word or I would just use that. And then I would have the freedom to use real people's names as opposed to code--but then in the same token, I think the code gives me an interesting challenge oftentimes. Plain and simple--I like typing. So basically, I don't care if you read this. Don't get me wrong; I'm sure there are cool people out there in cyber world so ready to be a blog fan of mine (I mean, who wouldn't want to be?!), but the truth is it's so fine with me if there's not too. SO fine. But thanks for that, world. Fin.

Peter Paul Rubens "The Straw Hat" c. 1626

2009-06-14T23:33:00.000-06:00

2009-06-14T23:20:00.002-06:00

I'm here again in the city
Reminds me of the time
I drove to town to pick you up
Then we talked of leaving

We knew the bags we packed
in the back would be enough
And it makes me wonder
why we didn't go

Oh no Miss Dani
Why are we here in this town?
We could be driving
We could be to Mexico by now

Now Miss Dani
Why are we here on our own?
We could be together
Laying on a beach in Mexico

Miss Dani I know timing wasn't perfect
When you said you wished we had met five years from now
You know I will be waiting
I still think we should have left two weeks go
And i think that deep inside you you still know

Oh now Miss Dani
Why are we here in this town?
We should be driving
We should be to Mexico by now

Now Miss Dani
Why are we here on our own?
We could be together
Lying on a beach in Mexico

And something I don't want to do
Is leave here without you
You know I could never stay
So I'm leaving anyway

Oh now Miss Dani
Why are we here in this town?
We should be driving
We should be to Mexico by now

Now Miss Dani
Why are we here on our own?
We should be together
Laying on a beach in Mexico

Now Miss Dani
-Stephen Speaks

2009-06-14T23:20:00.001-06:00

"I regard the theatre as the greatest of all art forms, the most immediate way in which a human being can share with another the sense of what it is to be a human being."
-Oscar Wilde

2009-06-14T23:19:00.004-06:00

Dear Broadway, (Especially Musical Theater Broadway)

I have tried and tried, but the fact of the matter is that I just can't help it . . . I love you. SO SO much. It's really kind of embarrassing if I think about it too long. So put that in your cup and spit on it. Or whatever.

Love, Katie

2009-06-14T23:19:00.003-06:00

And It Came to Pass

by C. D. Wright

This june 3
would be different

Time to draw lines
I've grown into the family pores
and the bronchitis

Even up east

I get by saying goddamnit

Who was that masked man

I left for dead
in the shadow of mt. shadow

Who crumbles there

Not touching anything
but satin and dandelions

Not laid his eyes
on the likes of you

Because the unconnected life
is not worth living

Thorntrees overtake the spot

Hands appear to push back pain

Because no poet's death

Can be the sole author
of another poet's life

What will my new instrument be

Just this water glass
this untunable spoon

Something else is out there
goddamnit

And I want to hear it..

2009-06-14T23:19:00.002-06:00

Gasp.

2009-06-14T23:18:00.003-06:00

Re-creation, re-innovation just may be my favorite type of art.

2009-06-14T23:18:00.001-06:00

This Week's Greatest Blessings . . . (in no particular order)

The remedy of sleep--it seems to be able to heal anything
Colored light
Misunderstanding--its yang is great when it comes around
Confusion--it forces me to hope for light
Emily Gillespie
Thumbtacks
Reading
New people. Which create new challenges. Which create new ways to get to know oneself. Which get one to do new things. And go to new places. And meet more new people.
I need Africa more than Africa needs me.
Adjustment

2009-06-14T23:11:00.001-06:00

Cutest new book EVER . . . perfectly describes how every child should feel about themselves and how the adults they turn into should feel, too.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT??? Yes. Yes you can. Who are we kidding we all saw it coming. haha

2009-06-07T22:42:00.004-06:00

These two are getting married . . . Roberto Liddle and Emilou Sue Peterson. Both super rad people. Two BFFs of mine. And each other soon--ha! Get it? Like they're gonna be together forever cuz they'll be MARRIED? haha! oh man, I kill myself. And you too I'm sure. (Wipe a tear, slap my knee, fan myself) Phew, um anywho . . . guess what's rad!? I'm gonna be a bridesmaid! Rad right? And anyway I found this old picture of them and I thought it was a pretty good symbol of their relationship actually. Made me crack up. This is the exchange which I'm sure went with this picture: Roberto-"Okay just one minute I have some brownie to eat . . . Yep just a minute dear . . . Uh huh . . . " Emily-"Oh look Katie has a camera! Smile honey! Smile! Robert!!! Smile with me!" (Pausing in the conversation for a moment to pause for a strained smile photograph, proceeded by Emily slapping Robert on the shoulder for not paying attention) Oh man, they're so cute!!! No but real guys . . . you're awesome. I'm ridiculously happy for you.

High School Peeps So Old Pics . . . But Still Legit and Awesome

2009-06-07T22:39:00.002-06:00

Africa Legit . . . A Different Group of Friends But Equally Awesome

2009-06-07T22:37:00.002-06:00

Legit It Just Keeps On Going . . .

2009-06-07T22:33:00.003-06:00

For real, SO many awesome people in my life. Why am I so blessed!?

Legit Cont . . .

2009-06-07T22:31:00.002-06:00

More pics of more peeps.

Legit yo . . . Legit

2009-06-07T22:28:00.002-06:00

So I really do have some rad friends. I really do. They're good people. I'm keeping 'em. Here's some pics of some of the peeps.

2009-06-05T15:34:00.000-06:00

I've noticed that so many "formerly fat", those whom were once large but then lost a ton of weight . . . girls turn into real snobby bitches. I'd rather be a happy and fat girl.

2009-06-03T23:09:00.000-06:00

I'd like to be somebody's Jerry.

2009-06-02T02:16:00.000-06:00

As cliche and girlish and PMS-ey as it may be, I so often have the urge to sob, truly sob . . . for no reason at all. I really don't cry that much--so it feels weird to think that.

What To Do . . . What To Do . . .

2009-05-31T21:08:00.002-06:00

So . . . don't tell. It's a secret. But I'm supposed to sing at DJ and Kelsi's "rehearsal dinner" aka giant dinner the night before for the sake of having something the night before, buft . . . I'm really scared.

Dear Kris Allen,

2009-05-28T23:42:00.005-06:00

I get that you have a wife. She is super cute. I get that you are an American Idol star and that show is so 2002. It is super lame. I get that you were not the most gifted singer in this year's top 10. It was apparent. And yet, I love you.

I am here to tell you that you simply got the wrong Katy. She spells her name with a Y! That's all wrong! What about me? Kat-ie? I'm sorry. I'm embarrassed. Never before has an American Idol had this effect on me. Shame on me for all the times I mocked that giggly silly seventeen year old whom salivated over Clay; or each moment I couldn't help but grotesquely imitate the girls whom held up signs inscribed "Marry me, David!"--either Archuleda or Cook. Oh how naive I was. Hypocritical now, I say. For you have changed me, Kris. You have made me . . . an Idol fan.

Love, You Know Who

2009-05-21T23:46:00.001-06:00

Dear Facebook,

I hate you. But I love you. You could say I hate to love you . . . and I love to hate you, too. I would compare our relationship to a Nora Roberts novel romance--sloppy but sensual, annoying but addicting.

Love, You Know Who

Who SAYS?

2009-05-18T00:16:00.005-06:00

So as it turns out, I'm not very cultured. No, no; don't be deceived by the fact that I do my very best to see and experience all sorts of events and performances. Never mind that I spend as much money as I can afford to see movies, go to the theater, listen to music, and buy works of art. Pish posh to the fact that I Google actors, musicians, artists, both historical and modern, all day long--never mind all that.

Now don't get me wrong. I get that I don't know everything there is to know about everything; in fact, far from it. But seriously, I make an effort. And I also think it's important to be well-rounded. I like to think that I'm the type that knows a little bit about a lot of things. Now maybe that isn't as useful as someone who is a genius at one thing, but I have a lot of interests. And I think there are a lot of different categories of things to be interested in. And to spend one's time on. But I concede that sometimes this is a challenge. It would probably be easier if I only liked two things in the entire world and knew EVERYTHING there was to know about those two things, but that's just not me. Sure; maybe it would be nice--I could just talk about those two things and keep my mouth shut about everything else. I certainly would look foolish a lot less often. Ha. As Lincoln said, "It is better to remain silent and thought a fool than to speak up and remove all doubt." I never adhered to that wisdom very well, but back to the dilemma. The problem with this personality I have is. . . how am I supposed to memorize the name of every new author that comes out AND know the entire history of German opera? In what way could I possibly keep up on current political debates AND know all my American Golden Age musical trivia? What technique should I use to magically have the time to both learn how to sew AND have the stats of this years baseball playoffs in my head? I'm only one person, world!

Now as frustrating as all that has been to me, this is not what ticked me off intially and inspired this little monologue. I was told that I am "uncultured" because I like too many things. I am not a tough enough of a critic to be "cultured." I'm sorry . . . pardon my French, but . . . What the HELL? Now, being an optimist makes one stupid and uncultured? There is no way you're going to play that card on me! There are things I dislike--I'm a human being; this happens. But I don't SEARCH and SCRAPE away at things in order to find something I dislike. Is that any way to live? I feel like all that would do would make ME unhappy. If I looked at everything wanting to hate it, I would hate it. Absolutely. But then, I would be a hateful, negative person. WHY would I want that? WHY would I want to dislike things? I don't see what that would prove to anyone. Why can't anything just be enjoyed for the sake of being enjoyed anymore? Why is it a sin to have an appreciation for a LOT of different types of things?

Case and point: So, as a general statement . . . I do NOT like Little Women the Musical. I love the book, I thought the movie was rad, but the musical never really did it for me. I just have a different taste in music than the style that play gives me. I prefer different genres, if you will. Well, about a year ago, I went to see this little piece of theater at the Orem Hale Center Theatre. . . a local, "semi-professional" place that I generally enjoy attending. I LOVED this particular production of Little Women. It was the same music I had never been a fan of and there were moments that got to me, but I really enjoyed myself. I don't know what changed--maybe it was the performers, maybe I was biased because I knew the director and several of the actors and love them, maybe it's because I've come to EXPECT good theater from that venue, there are a thousand reasons why my judgement may lack a critical eye or why I could be wrong--perhaps it was terrible and I'm too "uncultured" to see that. But I, me personally, Katie Sue Sullivan, had a good time! I enjoyed it! So what is wrong with that? Isn't that enough?

I am reminded of this point again when I look around my room, through my journal, or even this blog--I don't have a "definitive thing," I don't feel. Well, in the more theatrical, artsy world that is. In the general populus it's enough to be defined as the "drama girl," or "the musical theatre singer." But I am referring to the more specific world within I reside where it seems every "drama girl" or boy has their own DEFINITIVE thing. But why MUST I choose between Puccini and Sondheim? Do I HAVE to hate either Tennyson or Billy Collins? Can AKON, The Weepies, Metallica and Trisha Yearwood REALLY not co-exist in the same mind? I GET they're super different. I GET it. So you're telling me I'm not ALLOWED to recognize that more than one type of person, more than one type of genre, more than one era, can all be interesting or creative or beautiful in their own way? I will like whatever I damn well please, thank you very much, world. And if that makes me "uncultured," well then . . . ha get me a wig and call me Tyra Banks--that's just fine.

PS: I LOVE this picture. I think it's pretty. I like what it says. And that's reason enough for me.

2009-05-13T16:11:00.001-06:00

I just found out adrophigus is not word. This upsets me. There is something very wrong with this society of ours if not even adrophigus can be a word.

2009-05-13T05:15:00.000-06:00

I've been into Christensen lately. I always had a bad attitude about him because he is from Orem and tends to be cliche in this area. That was close-minded of me. Great artists can be from anywhere. I know that. I expect others to be open-minded to my ability to be an artist regardless of where I am from or how I have been raised. So how hypocritical it is that when I'm faced with the same situation on the opposing end that I have issue--and with someone that has PROVEN their aristry. I haven't even proven mine yet! But anywho, I've been into him and not because he is popular in my area, but because I really think his work is great. It's sweet and rich and unique with so many different literary references and childlike nuances that add such a charm. He also is intricate with detail and color in a way so many artists are lazy about anymore. I love that. This one has been one of my favorites lately. Fin.

2009-05-13T04:12:00.000-06:00

Crossing the Bar

By Alfred, Lord Tennyson
Sunset and evening star,
And one clear call for me!
And may there be no moaning of the bar,
When I put out to sea,
But such a tide as moving seems asleep,
Too full for sound and foam,
When that which drew from out the boundless deep
Turns again home.
Twilight and evening bell,
And after that the dark!
And may there be no sadness of farewell,
When I embark;
For tho' from out our bourne of Time and Place
The flood may bear me far,
I hope to see my Pilot face to face
When I have crost the bar.

I LOVE Tennyson.

2009-05-06T01:44:00.002-06:00

Corronious gliding--talking and walking whilst carrying our silly cappuccinos and laughing pretentiously.

Oh the Irony

2009-04-28T22:59:00.003-06:00

For eight weeks I've been waiting to hear if I was accepted to the Disney College Program in Disneyland or not. It has been a very frustrating eight weeks as I've felt I had to put all other opportunities on hold. I finally found out I got it. Yipee! I also found out I was cast in Charlotte's Web. This is going to be a very important production for UVU Theatre. There are a lot of factors. Ha how more vague could that sentence be? Regardless, I have decided to stay. I want to be a part of this project. So . . . I chose--Wilbur? Or Mickey? Wilbur.

2009-04-19T16:26:00.000-06:00

I resent my mom for teaching me that "the big girl" is who I am.

2009-04-05T01:20:00.000-06:00

Not by me. But I was impressed. No title or artist name included when found.

I found a new awesome thing. 9thwardcartoons.com. SO funny.

2009-04-05T01:10:00.001-06:00

Just a taste of mucho, mucho hilarity.

Gorgeous

2009-04-05T01:04:00.001-06:00

Venetian Masquerade Mask by Deviant Fotopete -- 01 11 09

I think this photograph is art. Just completely and totally art. I'd love to have this in my home.