Dear Kris Allen,

I get that you have a wife. She is super cute. I get that you are an American Idol star and that show is so 2002. It is super lame. I get that you were not the most gifted singer in this year's top 10. It was apparent. And yet, I love you.

I am here to tell you that you simply got the wrong Katy. She spells her name with a Y! That's all wrong! What about me? Kat-ie? I'm sorry. I'm embarrassed. Never before has an American Idol had this effect on me. Shame on me for all the times I mocked that giggly silly seventeen year old whom salivated over Clay; or each moment I couldn't help but grotesquely imitate the girls whom held up signs inscribed "Marry me, David!"--either Archuleda or Cook. Oh how naive I was. Hypocritical now, I say. For you have changed me, Kris. You have made me . . . an Idol fan.

Love, You Know Who