I just wrote this for study abroad papers. It turned out to be fairly poignant for my life right now. The Adriana and Luciana I'm referring to are the ones from The Comedy of Errors by William Shakespeare.

I speak as a woman finding herself in the 21st century that the dichotomy we see between the characters of Luciana and Adriana is the quintessential commentary on the dichotomy of what the woman of the new millennium faces within herself. As trivial as the comparison may seem, I am drawn to relate to the hit TV series Sex and the City. Each female character represents a different aspect of what it means to be a woman in a world full of modernism and tradition. That particular series I believe has drawn such appeal because every female can relate to one or many of the characters—and every female is faced with the decision as to which character they are . . . am I a Charlotte? Do I long for the life of a traditional mommy with the white picket fence? Does Samantha’s path appeal to my own? Is being a creature who owns their sexuality in an empowered and cutting edge form of feminism the life I would love? We see the same questions raised with the characters of Luciana and Adriana in Comedy of Errors.

In Luciana, there is a sense of piety and observance of all that is tradition. The man is the head of the family and deserves the respect which that title commands. Motherhood is the ultimate calling. Now I observe these aspects of Luciana not with disdain but with great appreciation and respect. Feminism as it has been presented the past 40-50 years has meant, by societal understanding, denying that which women have been called to do—to be a wife and mother. I would feign to argue that owning that calling and honoring it requires just as much, if not more, bravery and “feminism” in a modern world. If feminism is a celebration of all that is feminine, then by what logic does denying that which women are naturally inclined toward equate being a “feminist?”

Yet, in the same token, we are faced with Adriana. In my belief, true feminism is sincere love for all that which women can be; and that means celebrating a woman’s right to be that whichever feels natural to her. For some, that means being a Luciana—and for others, that means being an Adriana. Adriana pokes fun at marriage and men. She revels in rebellion and vulgarity. Just as I have admiration for all that Luciana represents, I feel the same for Adriana. Her perspective and bravery is refreshing. Her boldness is a rarity; and her strength is a gift for the world.

So, whether one is an Adriana or Luciana, I believe the point Shakespeare is making with presenting us with both characters is that women should be celebrated and admired in all their forms and personalities. It is a credit to Shakespeare’s open-mindedness that he recognized this and made commentaries on it in his works. It is a decision a face right along with Adriana and Luciana as to which I am . . . a Carrie or a Miranda, a Luciana or Adriana, a Charlotte or a Samantha.

To feel like home:
1. Comfy blankets are a must.
2. There is no judgement, despite how many quesadillas a day are eaten.
3. One may be without beguile, and others can come without restraint.
4. Love changes everything . . . in the nicest way.
5. Color is embraced.
6. Vintage is revered.
7. All music flows without hatred or disrespect.
8. Rules exist to nourish life, not stifle it.
9. Words are said with truth and assertion, but in kindness and appreciation.
10. Men may be men, and women may be women. Anything in between . . . may find its path here.
11. Art is encouraged.
12. Messes are a part of life--to be enjoyed for as long as they last.
13. And when it is time for the messes to go, they go in peace, with gratitude they were here.
14. Television is optional, but not necessary. And channels are not a worthy source of contention.
15. Movies and their stars are loved.
16. Walls are for art. Van Gogh oils and baby girl finger paints alike.
17. Kitchens are for stories to be shared, warmth to be born, and delicious meals to be made.
18. There is always more space at the dining room table.
19. Health is no option.
20. Bodies are used in strength and power, loving all God gave us.
21. Stories are written and read, for learning and for joy.
22. The thirst for knowledge is unquenchable.
23. All things can and should be touched.
24. The joy of scent is never underrated.
25. No one is limited. Whatever evokes goodness to be shared will be cultivated here.
I wish beauty came in a bigger box.
There are people that want it all to be simple, clean, honest.

That's nice and all . . . but I think I know better.

The idiosyncracies which exist within each individual person gives me millions upon millions of reasons to believe that simple, clean, and honest doesn't exist in this life. And the next exists as a perfectly unsure surity.

This isn't to say that the lack of simplicity, cleanliness, and honesty equates ugliness. In fact, it is within all that is idiosyncratic where beauty lies.

I've known a share of stupid choices, unwise paths, nonsensical sense. And it is here wherein I have learned to love, to share, to appreciate. Appreciation is underrated and bastardized in its meaning. In its perfection--here, we may find purity.

Simple. Clean. Honest. Give me a break. Live first. And you will see--there is more than these.
If only you wanted to be the one to fight.
The one who helped me down the slippery hill,
Or walked beside as I sit quiet and still.

If only you were the one to say my name.
Whispering sweetness I never thought I'd hear,
Or always drawing closer, ever soft and near.

If only I had chosen another path.
Wanted a little harder and pushed a little more.
Maybe I would know what all the pretense was for.

If only they told all that should have been said.
I would know to switch direction, find anew.
I wouldn't circle back, looking for a intangible clue.

"If only" is a waste of time.
This I know and yet . . .
I'd waste a thousand "If only's" to have just one
"Cannot forget."
Does admitting you're lonely make the loneliness more or less pathetic?

I just went to her concert. It was exactly what I needed.

I was Lisabetta in Rappaccini's Daughter recently. We're now taking it to the Fringe Festival in Edinburgh. We're pretty much a really big deal.

2010 cont.

I also stage managed Short Attention Span Theatre this year. That was . . . exciting. I'm going to have nine million technical credentials by the end of this year. And that part is good. I do feel like I need a break from school, from life even. . . I'd like to do that thing:

"I cashed in all my savings and bought an El Dorado.

Drove to Tennessee.

I took a trip while I was gone.

I drove across the country and I stopped at lots of diners,

And I stared at a million stars.

And thought I could touch the sky."

Then, I worked for the UVU Noorda Summer Camp. I'm obsessed with those girls that were in the show I stage managed: the Secret Life of Girls. Baylee Dodge (Abby), Kenzie Dodge (Kayla), Emily Sheehn (Sutton), Rebecca Acosta (Rebecca), Rebekah Blackburn (Anne Marie), Kaitlyn Lamb (Stephanie), and Sarah Mortimer (Chandler). Julie Suazo was also in it as Sutton's Mom, Jessica Gunson was in it as the Coach, and Alex's mom Rosanna Ungerman was in it as Abby's Mom.

Our production team included: me (SM), Alex Ungerman (Director), Julie Mortimer Suazo (Assistant Director), Jacob Porter (ASM), and Jessica Gunson (ASM).

All ready, the bulk of 2010 has come and gone. I've been through and accomplished a lot this year, although, like always, some of the things I really need to focus on have been left at the wayside. It's been a great time of transition for me. As in . . . nothing matches. That may not make much sense, but it's a good description of where my head has been at.

I should mention someone who has proven to be very important in my life the past weeks. It seems that it was a fortuitous thing for her to be in my life, at this time. I needed her a lot. And it was a happy accident that she would be here for the summer anyway. Her name is Shelly Bulkley Chamberlain. And she's probably one of the best friends I'll have in my life. The older I get the more I realize what an example and mentor she has been to me. Above is a picture of she and her husband, Brian. Isn't it amazing how the people that come through and end up being the most important aren't the ones you expected to fill that?

I was in Urinetown. I loved it. I played Ol' Ma Josephine Strong. That's her in that pic. I may have all ready mentioned that in a previous blog, but oh well.

I was the ASM for A Doll House. Sarah Mann was the SM. Penny Pendleton played Nora, Jason Sullivan was Helmer, Jason Evans was Dr. whats-his-name, Cameron Garcia was Krogstad, James Arrington directed, Elfie Panholzer was the sweet little nanny character, Melissa Ledbetter was the old maid best friend--I forget that character's name. It was a really enlightening and enriching experience. I learned a lot.